Firstly let me say that I am so grateful for all of the support I have received over the last two years, so many of you have reached out and let me know that you were there. Although I haven't reached back very often, I want you to know, (and you know who you are) that it never went unnoticed.
I feel like I have been to hell and back and realise that it is time, time for me to make a decision. The number of people that have asked me if I am running again has been astounding, your kind words and belief in me is humbling. I have always answered honestly, basically saying that I really didn't know.
You see I had only recently realised that for the last year or so I have been sitting in a chrysalis, protecting myself and ensuring that the hurt stayed inside and no-one could get in.
And who can blame me?
I had to find a safe place.
But it is time for me to bust out of this chrysalis.
I have tried for the last year to make sense of what occurred, to find a reasoning behind it all. To be able to justify everything and find the greater good in it.
I have tried to understand how members of the State Government voted to legislate my sacking. Yet, those that don't know me - never once contacted me to find out if I was capable of good governance, to find out if I contributed to a culture of bullying, or to find out if I had any integrity. Worse was those that did, in fact, know me. A Member that I worked for. Another that I had worked with for many years. They voted for it and not once came out to say anything to defend my integrity - well not publicly.
You may say that they had the report to go off, a statement that was put together by the CCC that helped them decide how to vote. Not once did the CCC come and interview me about good governance, to ask me about a culture that was conveyed through the report as to be attributed to every single councillor. So how could they accurately report on such things without having any evidence to support their claims?
The report is like the holy grail and has consistently been used as justification of the sacking. It still is, with the administrator recently reported in the media as saying that you only have to read the report to see that every councillor was involved. I have never met the administrator, so I have to wonder how these statements can be made without having supporting evidence.
I have endured what I had considered good friends for more than a decade, enjoy the whole fiasco so much that they didn't once stop and think about what happens to those that are innocent. If they did think about it - it didn't outweigh the sheer delight they were getting from it no matter who it hurt.
I am no longer going to try and make sense of it, I cannot continue to do so. I plan on hatching from my chrysalis for my own wellbeing and mental health.
The other night I was asked again if I was running next year in the election. I was in a safe place, and I totally broke down. I didn't answer with the usual "I really don't know" - it was a defining moment for me. I realised that for me to get better, I had to face that it would not be suitable for my mental wellbeing to run next year.
I guess this blog is awfully long just to say that, but I want people to understand that I loved my job as a Councillor and really appreciate all of those in the community who have continued to stand by me. To those that have wanted me to run. I need to explain that I haven't come to this decision quickly and don't want to disappoint anyone.
I am going to continue growing my freelance business and see if I can find these wings of mine.